BYOC

I'd like to make a really awesome blog, but I still just don't have it in me. I've been struggling with apathy lately. I've felt completely disconnected from everything. I'm trying though. See, here is my BYOC... that's a start right?

1. If you had three wishes what would they be and why?

I wish for Heinlein's idea of utopia because the man's writing makes me feel smart. I find myself wondering why it can't be that way.

I wish that whenever someone abuses someone else, they would immediately feel the pain of a heart attack and it would only stop when they turned themselves in.

I wish that my children will know peace and their father.

2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?

I already have three, one with Autism and one with Aspergers. I don't think I need to be doing any more breeding. Our family feels pretty complete already.

3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)

Yes. I faked it every time until about 3 days after I was married. But I tell you what, once we got me figured out, I've never done it since. I will NEVER leave my husband!

4. What movie character do you think you look like?

When I was young and thin many people said I looked like Alicia Silverstone. Now that I'm old and fat, I look like a random extra!

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?

Drazil's blogs about depression. I totally identified with them so much so that I couldn't bring myself to comment. I've been battling myself since surgery and am trying not to let the apathy I've felt lately cause me to circle the drain into the pipes of depression.

WTH Batman?

Through all my pre-op appointments and support group meetings I was told two weeks liquid diet followed by 2 weeks mushy/pureed foods and to come in for my 1st fill 4 to 6 weeks from surgery.

I went in for my 2 week check in with the bariatric nurse. I was all excited because I was supposed to wait to see her before starting mushies. Today she informs me that I'm supposed to be on mush for 4 weeks and I'm to not have my first fill until 6 weeks from TODAY.

How about all of you? Did you have 2 weeks of mushies or 4 weeks?

Anyone else told 8 weeks before the first fill?

Am I wrong to be irritated that I'm getting a different story AFTER I got the band?

Just to add insult to injury, today was my weigh in day. My scale at home said 245.0 for a total loss of 16lbs. The doctor's scale said 249.7 . That's a pretty damn big difference.

First Goal Met!

Mondays are my weigh-in day and I would have posted then, but I couldn't seem to shake the waah!s. Incidentally I'm feeling better today. Thank you to the ladies who commented. It did make it easier knowing it is a semi-normal thing.

On the right side of my blog under "On the Grill" you'll find my tickers and my goal list. Please note the awesomeness that is me having marked off my first goal!

I'm currently cooking my way to rareness!

Starting weight: 261 #

First Goal weight: 250 #

weigh in day weight: 248 #

Exceeded goal by: 2 #

I am by no means expecting to meet one of those goals every week. Honestly I'm shocked that I've already lost 13 pounds. My current timeline for each goal is simply a weigh-in day in the hopefully close future.

I figure it is a good system, because by not specifying a date I will never fail. I will always either be working on a goal, meeting a goal or exceeding a goal. That has to be good for the psyche, right?

I wonder how much I'll lose before I actually see a significant change resulting in a smaller clothing size?

I Think I'm Broken - Day 7

What fresh hell is this?

I have spent all day in tears over everything. EVERY SILLY LITTLE THING.

I do not cry! Well, sometimes of course, over big things, but NEVER over nothing and all day long off and on.

Is this something that is common after surgery? Some weird hormonal fluctuations? Or just a symptom of not being able to dull feelings with overeating?

Day 6

Wow. I cannot believe it has been 6 days since Bella decided to come along for the ride.

Why Bella you ask? - That's an easy answer. I have the brain of a child. Hahaha. I had an upset tummy one day and Husband offered to go pick up dinner so I didn't have to cook. He brought back a favorite: pulled pork sandwiches. I wanted it SO bad, but really felt like crap and I hate vomiting. I commented in a funny cartoon-like voice that I wanted to eat the damn thing, but MY BELLY says "No!"

He looked at me deadpan and asked, "Who's Bella and why does she have a say in the matter?"

Anyway, so when I started thinking about names for my band I remembered that and then thought how much "my belly" sounds like "Mi Bella" in Italian and that reminded me of Gollum and "my precious" from The Lord of the Rings. Bands are rings... and so we have my Lapband Bella.

Now when I'm presented with the choice of trying out that big fluffy piece of bread and that plate of shrimp I will think to myself, "Mi Bella says no!"

Back to the post op stuff:

Oxycodone liquid, while great for pain is not good for Cheeseburger Girl. I couldn't function without it for the first three days, but with it I was a freaking zombie in twilight sleep. I even tried halfing the smallest recommended dose and I was still operating as a narcoleptic.

Aside from not liking the feeling of the drug, I was in a hurry to wean myself off it so I could drive. My littlest was scheduled for tonsil and adenoid removal surgery on Friday and deserved a not high mother.

Fortunately I was able to make it on Tylenol Thursday and was off all meds on Friday.

Surgery went well. Littlest was a trooper and is sleeping on my side as I type this.

I'm drinking my water, I'm sick of protein shakes, and I want a damn cheeseburger. I am also really sick of burping.

What is with the burping? Please tell me it will go away.

P.S. Check my link to Cheeseburger Girl Eats on my page. I'm using it for reviews and recipes.