Saturday, September 18, 2010

50 lbs, an NSV, and a POLL

Today I looked on my happy scale and it said 50 lbs DOWN!!! I know it's not a weigh-in day, but I'm keeping it. Now my next big goal is ONDERLAND. I'm a lovely 215lbs as of this morning.

So to celebrate, I nabbed my neighbor and we went looking for an outfit for me. I knew this was just the girl I needed, cause she saw me in my gym clothes the other day and informed me that I looked hot. I was like, "Thanks!" Then she follows it with, "So you need to get some new clothes cause all your other shirts make you look pregnant." (You have to know her...) This chick wouldn't pull any punches and would steer me in the right direction. So off to the mall we went.

We didn't find any tops, but I got a pair of SIZE 16!!! Diva style jeans at Old Navy. Now hush! I know they have vanity sizing, but it does my head good to be firmly away from dress sizes that start with 2 before husband gets home for his two week vacay from Afghanistan. Going from a 28/30 to a 16/18 is pretty impressive. Even if I see myself every day and don't see it myself, he will see the difference. Remember, he's gotten nothing but head shots of me since he left in February.

I went to Dillards and bought a RED TRENCH COAT in a size XL. It's a Jessica Simpson and the color is called lipstick. It is hot and makes me look even hotter. I can't wait for it to get cool outside so I can rock it.

This mall is in a smallish town so there wasn't a ton of variety. Next week we're going to trek down to closest big city and do some more shopping.

I'm happy with where I am right now health and band wise. I am not hungry unless I'm really hungry from missing a meal. I have enough restriction without getting stuck or PBing on anything. In fact, I think I'm probably one of the rare few who has never had a stuck or PB episode. I'm not bragging, I'm honestly amazed.

Now for the poll:

Without ever having seen me, what color should I dye my hair?
Red or Blonde
Who has more fun?

Friday, September 3, 2010

Measurements at 4 Months

Current - Starting = Change

Neck 15.5in - 16.5in = -1.0 inches
Chest 49.0in - 55.0in = -7.0 inches
Bicept 15.0in - 17.0in = -2.0 inches
Waist 45.0in - 51.0in = -6.0 inches
Hips 52in - 56.0in = -4.0 inches
Thigh 28.0in - 30.0in = -2.0 inches

That's a total of 22 inches (or 26 inches if you count both legs and arms)!!!

Monday, August 23, 2010

NSV? I'm not sure...

So there I was at the gym on post right down the road from Husband's work where all the people he works with go (when they aren't all deployed).
I've finished my "run" and am 3/4 done with my weights circuit. I get up from the leg press feeling rather proud of myself and then it happens...

My cotton work out shorts FALL OFF ALL THE WAY TO MY ANKLES!

So, you tell me... is that an NSV or just plain embarrassing?

Saturday, August 14, 2010

Blog Award

A big thank you to Mary at Being a Winner By Being a Loser and Sparkler at Sparkler's Story for bestowing upon me The Versatile Blogger Award.

Here are the rules for this award:

1.Thank the person giving the award.
2. Share 7 things about yourself.
3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.
4. Let your nominees know about the award.

7 Things about me:

1. I have spent a total of 14 days with my father in my entire life. I flew 8 hours to get there twice as a young teen. I wouldn't know him from Adam, but I do have a decent relationship with my half-sister (his other daughter). I am always surprised to find how jealous I can feel. It hit hard when I got her wedding pictures. Nobody paid for a wedding for me and I certainly wasn't escorted down an aisle.
2. This year I will have been married to my hero for 9 years. We have a 14 year old son. There is some discrepancy with those numbers, but I promise the missing years were for the best.
3. I am the oldest of five children. I can't remember a time when I wasn't in the role of parent.
4. I am a Gemini and I fit the description quite well. Sometimes I wonder if I have two people living in this brain because I am very interested in so many seemingly opposite things. Oddly enough, I don't read horoscopes.
5. The only sport I care to watch is Rugby. I tried my hand at playing mid-field back, but I'm not gifted in sports. I ended up with broken toes from getting cleated in a scrum.
6. I am adept at a broad spectrum of tasks, but I don't have an area of interest that I excel in. Might be why I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up...
7. I took Spanish, French, German and Russian in school. I can count to 10, say please and thank you. I can also say "For Christmas I'd like a hedgehog." in Russian. I wish I had stuck with one thing instead of ending up unable to converse in any language other than American English and pantomime.

Here are 15 Blogs I'm nominating:
1. Colleen @ This Time I Mean It
2. Blossom @ Blossom Banded
6. Ashli @ Skinny Tastes Better - (hopes she'll start posting again)
11. Terri @ I Can Do This
14. Mallen @ Banded for Life
15. YOU! That's right, I mean you! If you're reading this and don't already have this award take it and follow it's rules.

Friday, August 13, 2010


Here is my contribution to BYOC Friday! If you don't know what it's about head on over to : It's Just Me Drazil, & Sheniqua for the run down.

1. Do you remember your last dream?

Not really. I don't usually remember my dreams but the last one I remember remembering was about some kind of argument that I was trying to resolve but the people kept changing and I was overwhelmed and just wanted to run away. Every room I went into was exactly like the last one and the situation was the same, but the face of the arguing parties was always different.
***When you dream do the people look like who they are to you? I ask because when I dream I know that it is my brother (for example) but he looks like someone I've never met. Am I alone in this?

2. Which is your favorite body part of the human body and why?

Well, that depends on what for...
For drooling over I'd say it's that cut at the hip. I call it the hip dip. Mamma wantsa bite o them mmm....!

For just general cuteness that would be baby feet. But only baby feet, cause everyone's feet except for my own are scary.

3. Tell me about your first kiss...

My first kiss... I was 15. I went to the skating ring with some of my friends from school. There was this guy, dreamy guy, who was 19. My friends got him to slow skate with me and at the end of the evening I walked out with him to wait for my parents to pick me up. Before he got in his car he got my phone number and then kissed me. BTW I guess I forgot to mention he thought I was 17.
Actually that's not the real story it was my 2nd kiss, but it's the one I like to remember and the one I will tell to my daughter when she's old enough to ask.
The real deal was outside after an after school function when I was 15. It was this red headed boy who was kinds dorky and was covered in freckles. I say dorky not over his look, we're talking demeanor. Anyway, he kissed me in the parking lot and then proceeded to grab my butt while he kissed me. LAME! I was so embarrassed and never spoke to him again.

4. How big is your bed?

Queen, but I was told to upgrade to a latex foam king size before Husband comes back from this deployment.

5. Repeat question....whose blog or comment stuck with you the most this week and why?

This post from Blossom Banded I totally remember working hard to deal with that feeling. I remember struggling not to ask my husband what the hell was wrong with him to want to be with me looking like I did. It was really hard for me to process that this was MY issue and actually had nothing to do with the wonderful man I married who loved me despite myself and just quietly hoped I would start loving myself as much as he loved me.

*GAH Draz... not love myself like *that* Although, he probably wouldn't have minded the show. Now take your double entendres and go back to work! ::wink::

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Ladies Room

A very pregnant friend asked for someone to explain to her why women take so long in the bathroom. I guess she got stuck waiting and was feeling surly about it. This is my response to her:

First, I have to figure out the best way to hover over the toilet without breaking my damn neck or falling into someone else's pee on the seat while avoiding the suspicious puddle on the floor. I also have to find a place to hold my purse as there are no hooks on the door and hanging it over the corner of the door causes the door to swing open and hit me on the head.
Then I pee, but it is also that time of the month so now I have to balance on one foot with my elbow braced on the wall and my back arched so I can replace my preferred feminine hygiene product without contaminating it on the gross toilet. The toilet paper roll runs out before I finish so I attempt to pat dry with the shredded remnants that clung to the roll.
Now I have to get my self out of the odd contorted position I've put myself in while I curse myself for not working on my core strength through weights or Pilates.
Off to the sink now only to discover there is no soap except a puddle on the counter. I debate for a moment and finally decide counter soap is better than no soap. Of course now the air dryer is broken and the paper dispenser is jammed. I spend a minute trying to jam my fingers up the towel slot without cutting them off on the ragged tearing surface.
By this point, I'm hot and sweaty and cranky so I mutter profanities under my breath as I pat my hands dry on my least obvious article of clothing. I linger in front of the mirror for a moment and wish there was something I could do about my now sweaty hair and upper lip. However there are still no towels so I heave a sigh and head out of the ladies room. I think to myself that I could sure use a drink after that, but I'll be damned if I do anything to induce another trip into the hell that is the public ladies restroom. As I come through the door I see you glaring at me and I think I should tell you there is no toilet paper, soap, or paper towel, but your glare clearly says, "get the hell out of my way!" So I smile and hold the door open for you.

Monday, August 9, 2010

It's Been Awhile - Weigh-in, a Goal, and a Fill

I'm back and apparently no worse for wear. The kids and I spent quite a while at the grandparent's house. It was good for me emotionally to have someone else around over the age of "I wanna duct tape your mouth shut 13". Band-wise with no restriction it was not so great. I didn't gain, but I stayed at 233lbs for at least 3 weeks.

That however is the past. Today is a weigh-in day!

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 224
Total loss = 41# or
37# in the 98 days since banding

I got my second fill on the 4th. My BN added 1cc so I am now at 5cc in a 10cc band. I felt great for the first three days after my fill. I had no trouble sticking to liquids and mush. I wasn't ever hungry. Now... I'm starving and have no restriction. I guess 5 isn't going to be my sweet spot. Oh, but those three days were nice! I can't wait to get to restriction.

I made my "Rare" goal on July 26th. I'm now only 14lbs away from being Medium-Rare!

The kiddos have started back at school. All three are full day now. I have nothing but time to do all the things I haven't been able to squeeze in for the last 13 years. Maybe I'll finally get caught up and start taking better care of myself.

Husband is still away. I've planned a three day family trip for his R&R leave in the fall. There is an indoor pool and a massage therapist involved. Hopefully it will help him relax enough to cope with having to go right back for another 3-4 months. His boss makes his life hell and seems to enjoy it. This is the first time in 11+ years I've wanted to act like "that wife" and go give his boss a piece of my mind and a black eye.

I owe y'all two and three month Bandiversary progress pics and I owe Colleen a giant thank you post full of sisterhood clothes pics. Unfortunately my camera has either been lost or stolen. I guess it's time to replace it anyway. I just wish I could have the data card from it... I guess those pics aren't coming. Sorry y'all. You'll just have to wait for the 4 month progress pics in September. I know that will make Draz feel better since it's a nice even number!

It's going to take me awhile to catch up on posts. If there is anything profound or of immediate importance that I need to see STAT please send me a link!

Saturday, July 10, 2010

Vacation Notice

Just wanted to let you all know I'm going to be away for a bit. Heading to let the kids visit family and go to camp. I'll be back in a week or two depending. Leaving now.

Y'all try not to post too much while I'm gone. I hate trying to catch up!

Love to you all,

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

50 Followers - Following 39

I haven't lost 50lbs yet, but I do have 50 following friends, which I must say is just as good.

I've gone through to make sure I'm following everyone who's following me, but so far all I've found links for is 39 of y'all. So... if I'm not following you and you want me to be, please either comment with a link to your bloggie or email me at:

cheeseburgergirl AT ymail DOT com

I promise I will add you ASAP so I can get to reading!

Love to you,

Week 9 Weigh-In, First Fill Report, & The Sisterhood

Last Thursday I packed the kids and the car and headed to my in-laws house for the 4th of July festivities. I was on day 2 of liquids after my first fill and was a little worried about how I was going to handle vacation with a super tight band. As it turns out, I had nothing to worry about. My 1cc fill did absolutely nothing for me past the third day. I am back to feeling like I have no band at all. It's really quite frustrating because I feel like I'm just on another damn diet and we all know what kind of track record diets leave one with.
During vacation I consumed way too much salt and 12 pieces of Godiva chocolates.
Consequently, my scale decided to show me no love and left me exactly where I was 2 weeks ago.

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 233
Total loss = 32# or
28# in the 63 days since banding

This plateau is getting old. Time to start the whining! Or not. Wouldn't change a thing anyway. On the upside, if you check out the picture of a real plateau, you'll notice that there is a steep drop on the sides of it. I'm totally looking forward to the free fall.

In an effort to actually be productive and keep better track of my eating and drinking times I am going to go buy a watch today. I used to wear one all the time. It had 3 alarms and two timezones and kept me on track with picking up the kids from school and abreast of whatever time zone my bestie (or my hubby depending on the deployment schedule) was in. However, with the improvements in basic cell phones I have not worn one in two years. My cell phone is great for being a glorified alarm clock and showing me what time it is in Washington state and Afghanistan, but it lacks a countdown timer. What I need is an annoying little reminder every 80 minutes. BEEP BEEP - start eating BEEP BEEP start drinking BEEP BEEP time to eat again etc.

If Bella is going to be a witch and leave me to do this on my own, the least I can do is make an effort. I can't allow myself to fail this time.

In MUCH happier news:
I got home last night and found a big ole pile of love from the sisterhood waiting on my doorstep.
I've been looking through and squealing like a little girl. Wow, I mean really! There is stuff for now and stuff to work toward and I am absolutely giddy. I already have a new favorite pair of no-saggy-butt jeans!
There will be pictures soon and public thanks to my "sisterhood angel" as soon as I make sure it's OK with her.

P.S. My 2 month bandiversary was on the 3rd. I'll work on taking those pics too before too much time passes. Maybe Bella has been sneaking cake and ice cream to celebrate instead of pushing me to the edge of my plateau.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Week 8 (1st No-Loss) and First Fill

Monday was weigh-in day. I skipped the posting bit because I was a little disappointed. No loss, but there wasn't a gain either so I wasn't too hard on myself.
Holding steady at

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 233
Total loss = 32# or
28# in the 56 days since banding

I took Bella in to be serviced today. I opted to skip the numbing bit. The needle wasn't very painful and he got it on the first try. I big puffy heart my doc.
First he pulled out all the fluid and informed me I had 3cc in my 10cc band. Then he put it all back in with an additional 1cc. I now have a total of 4cc in Bella.

It is a little disconcerting to sit up with the needle sticking out of the front of you, but I decided I had no interest in looking down this time. Had I thought about it, I'd have had the nurse take a picture for curiosity's sake. The only startling feeling was when he pulled out the needle. It felt like it wanted to hang out in there or something. I got a little dizzy when they lowered the table, but I think it was just nerves. I was fine once the table stopped.
I sipped my water and it went down fine. There is a different feeling though. I'm not sure how to describe it. I feel full, but I'm hungry. Does that make sense? I have that full at the top feeling like when you eat a good sized meal but haven't over done it, but I also have that burn-y growling feeling at the bottom of my stomach. I had some weird nerve twitches at first while I was waiting the 20 minutes before heading home. They were in the vicinity of my lady-parts but it wasn't a pleasant feeling. It could also have something to do with that witch that decided to drop off the monthly curse today.
The burping is back though. I could have lived without that part.

Doc says two days of liquids, two days of mush, and then on to soft foods. I'm sipping on a glass of unsweetened vanilla almond milk. It's my new favorite for mixing protein powder into.

My next fill appointment is August 3rd, but in the morning this time. I almost didn't get my fill because I'd been sipping on water and they have a 6 hour nothing by mouth requirement at my clinic. I just forgot. oops.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Week 7 Weigh-In

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 233
Total loss = 32# or
28# in the 49 days since banding.

I was going to whine for a moment about only losing 2lbs this week. Then I realized, I lost two freaking pounds this week!
Granted, it wasn't the three pound loss that I had been maintaining for the last few weigh-ins, nor was it the five pounds I was secretly hoping for. It also wasn't a no-change week or a gain. So really, I have nothing to complain about.
I probably could have kept up the three, but that damn delivery man kept showing up at my door with pizza and Chinese, and Mexican food. Who was I to make him go away?
Not to worry! I went grocery shopping today and now the kitchen is filled with appropriate foods. I even got a new protein bar to try for breakfast tomorrow.

On the band front:
  • Nine days left until my first fill.
  • 3lbs away from my 2nd goal "Rare"
  • I am 2-3 clothing sizes smaller than I started out
On the me front:
  • I am BUSY!
  • I am probably the only person left in the USA who doesn't get email on her cell phone.
  • I am 52% of the way to seeing Husband for two weeks on his break from Afghanistan.

As an aside, I am really glad that you ::coughtrampscough:: ladies in blog land have finally let all the sex talk rest. I was starting to go bananas. GAH! What is it with me and the phallic symbolism? You'd think I've been away from Husband for FOUR MONTHS or something...

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Today I chose not to eat any of the leftover chocolate easter candy from the dish at my son's Autism therapy appointment. No chips and salsa either.

Today I have eaten 525 calories and 86 grams of protein. I'm hungry so I'll be adding to that shortly. Chicken tenderloin is my hero today.

Today my kids have been working on my last nerve and I chose not to gorge myself on whatever was available to stifle my irritation and anger.

Today my finances are all neatly budgeted.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my nutritionist. I've never been to that part of the hospital so I'm dealing with anxiety today. I KNOW it will be fine, but I hate going to new places. I hope that someday I won't have to force myself to do things and will just be able to go and do.

Tomorrow all three children have optometry appointments. Big kid is getting contacts and glasses for the first time. I don't know about the littles yet. My budget is going to be toast.

The day after tomorrow the big kid and the littlest kid have to go back to the dentist for their repairs. My wallet will have only receipts and dust after this I'm sure.

Someone is stealing the broccoli from my garden. It's not an animal, it's got to be a person. None of my kids will fess up. The weird thing is that it wasn't even ready yet. All they're getting is a tiny bit. It has happened three times in the last two weeks. With the way they broke off the pieces they took, I don't know if I'll get any side sprouts or if the plucked plants are done for the year. Grrrrr.

I really miss Husband today. Most days I'm OK with him being away, but today was one of the sulky miss him so much days. At least I'll be too busy to notice tomorrow.

Monday, June 14, 2010

Week 6 Weigh-In

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 235
Total loss = 30# or
26# in the 43 days since banding.

I still have two weeks before my first fill. I wish it was sooner, but the fat girl inside me wants to put it off because I can still eat anything without trouble. Chubbella says she likes having the to option to eat brownies and steak. Me, I'm tired of having to tell her to shut up and would like for Bella to choke her out for a while. You know, let the band handle my light work.

I wish they'd let me move my 1st fill appointment up sooner. I'm dreading the first week without a loss.

I'm five pounds away from my second goal. I wonder what I'd have to do to make that happen in a week?

Friday, June 11, 2010

BYOC - by Drazil

1. What was your first pet?

• We had a poodle when I was little. Her name was Musette. However the first pet that was just for me was a Betta fish named Michael J. Fish when I was in second grade. Now you also know my first crush!

2. When did you lose your virginity? (Okay – before you throw stones and break out the holy water – first of all – this is not my question. It came from a follower and I obliged cuz I like it…so there.) Obviously don’t answer if this is too personal…..but don’t hate me for putting it out there.

• I was 15. He never called again. I ran into him as an adult and he didn't even remember who I was.

3 & 4 – I’m combining these two cuz this answer could be long. A follower (thanks Steph) asked if I could ask what a daily meal plan looks like for each of you – out of curiosity and out of possibly learning new foods to try.

• I try to remember to eat breakfast, but it has always been an issue for me. When I'm following my plan my day looks like this:

Tennessee Pride Fully cooked Turkey sausage x2
Oscar Mayer Canadian Bacon x5 slices

Sometimes a McDonalds cheeseburger
Usually Chicken Salad or
2 Turkey burger patties or
2 Vegan Boca Burgers

Chicken Tenderloin or
Grilled Talapia or
1/3 lb hamburger steak or
2 bratwurst or
2 fillet steaks
with 1/3 cup of Coleslaw or sauerkraut

If I have a snack, it is whatever I want. Most of the time it's beef jerky, but if I want cake or something, I get one serving of it and try to only eat half of that.

*I currently have no restriction, so the foods I eat now may or may not work after my first fill at the end of June.

5. Repeat question: What blog or blog comment stayed with you or stuck with you the most this week and why?

• Drazil's blog: Wanna play Hide and Seek? I'm just so happy that there are other people who remember to put their kids first by making good choices for themselves. I big puffy heart Drazil!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Week 5 Weigh-In

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 238
Total loss = 27# or
23# in the 36 days since banding

All in all, not too shabby if I say so myself. I am glad I'm sticking to only weighing on Monday's because I'm not sure I'd want to see the scale tomorrow.

I haven't had enough water today. While I have kept just inside my personal goal of 1000 calories, I didn't make my protein today and it's because I ate some of my birthday cake instead of a proper meal.

I need to make a comprehensive shopping list and get that over with. I have so much going on lately that little things keep slipping through the cracks. I really need to focus and get it together because I'm only wasting energy and effort by being disorganized. I also need to make a "you do" list. It's kinda like a "honey do" list, but I have to do it since Honey is deployed.

Why is it we can't have two spouses at once...? (Maybe on opposing deployment schedules.)
I'll be happy with a replicating device that can make me an extra copy of the one I've already got. Or better yet, this whole deployment thing can go the way of the Dodo and I can keep my man at home.

BTW: If you're following me, but I'm not following you it's because I couldn't find a link to you. If you'd like me to follow you, comment or email me a link and I'll get on it.

Friday, June 4, 2010


1. If you could live anywhere in the world - where would it be and why?

I want to split my time between somewhere cooler up north in the summer and somewhere with a warm winter in the south. Or back in Europe. I'm not too picky, but I preferred Germany to Belgium. Always wanted to go to Ireland though, and England, and Austraila... Heck! I don't know. Ask me an easy question!

2. How old were you when you got drunk for the 1st time?

16. I got all that out of my system very early on. I don't drink now. Maybe 1 beer 2 times a year with a burger or a glass of champagne on New Years. I did have a love for "boozy milkshakes" Chocolate with Kahlua and Vanilla with Irish Cream, but alas the milkshakes are not my friend anymore.

3. What was your favorite toy growing up?

I don't remember any toys other than a sit-n-spin when I was 3 and my Gem and the Holograms doll when I was 7. So, I guess those were my favorite. My family was 5 kids - welfare and food stamp poor so there wasn't an abundance of stuff filling the toy boxes.

4. What's your favorite season and why?

I love the Fall. I am a sweater girl and can't stand the heat of summer. I love the idea of the harvest and canning food and family togetherness. The pretty trees and rich burning smells from fireplaces are a bonus!

5. Repeat question....which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you the most this week?

I always intend to bookmark them for this question, but I keep forgetting. I'm lousy with names so I have to keep re-reading the posts of my followers. I don't know how you really popular people keep it straight.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

1 Month Bandiversary & Progression Pics

Today is my one month bandiversary. Bella the band is 1 month old!

I won't keep you waiting. I know exactly what you opened this blog to see...

See my saggy-pants granny butt?

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

NSV and Monday's Weigh-In

While Mondays are my weekly weigh-in days, they are also the WORST day for me to try and post anything. So I'm a little late...

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 241
Total loss = 24# or
20# in 29 days since banding

I'm not going to complain about losing an average of almost 2/3 of a pound per day.

On to my very first NSV!
I was scavenging in the storage totes full of clothes I can wear and I came across my favorite old pair of jeans. I haven't worn them since before we moved from Germany 2 years ago. They are a cheap pair from Walmart - Faded Glory stretch flair in a size....


Now, I know it's only the stretch part that allowed me to get them on my bootie, but with a tunic shirt, I'm rocking those jeans. Oh how I've missed them so.
I also found another pair of jeans, but they are an ugly winter weight pair of mom cut Chic jeans in a 24. They are a touch too snug on the waist. I'm not going to let that spoil my little happy moment.

All the rest of my current jeans make me look like I have saggy ass syndrome. I look like I have great-grandma's lack of ass in them. My legs are lost, but darn it, my waist is still to big to accommodate what fits my butt and legs. Too bad I'm not a skirt kind of girl. No room in the budget for new clothes until August. Well, no room for anything other than undies and new bras until August.

Which brings me to NSV#2:
My used to fit just right granny-panties had to be officially retired to the trashcan today.

In other news, I really should eat something else, but I think I'll just grab a Crystal Light Protein water instead.
I'm only at 695 calories and 78 grams of protein though. I don't know, I may trekk down to the kitchen and grab some jerky or the last jar of Gerber chicken sticks. Decisions...

Tuesday, May 25, 2010


I was a little disappointed to see the scale only move 1 pound this week. It's kinda hard to swallow after dropping 16 pounds in two weeks. Instead of dwelling on it I decided to get the good old tape measure out to check. I don't measure every week like I weigh, so I figured it would give me a little pick me up to see smaller numbers somewhere. I'm pretty excited with the results!

Current - Starting = Change

Neck 16.0in - 16.5in = -0.5in

Chest 52.0in - 55.0in = -3.0in

Bicept 16.0in - 17.0in = -1.0in

Waist 49.0in - 51.0in = -2.0in

Hips 55.5in - 56.0in = -0.5in

Thigh 29.0in - 30.0in = -1.0in

That's 8 inches total, well actually it's 10 if you count each arm and leg separately!

Monday, May 24, 2010

Weigh in Day 4 and Support Group Meeting

Pre-pre op diet: 265
Starting weight: 261
Today's Weight: 244
Total loss = 21# or
17# in 22 days since banding

I'm feeling much better. Too much was going on in my little world. Too many jobs to do for the kids, missing my husband, being hungry, not able to binge eat, changing eating habits, feeling disappointed after my 2 week follow-up, feeling lonely, and my hip pain coming back with a vengeance. I spent the weekend in bed. I rested and I got to web chat with Husband for about 30 minutes. I got my calendar together and organized. I feel like I can face the world again. I don't do well with disorganization.

I went to the local Lap band support group tonight and got a chance to talk to my bariatric nurse. I brought up the 2 week mush versus the 4 weeks she told me. She said two weeks is right thing. I asked her about hunger. I explained that I'm following the rules, but I am constantly hungry. She told me that meant it was time for me to go on normal diet. Glory be, no more mush for me! I can't tell you how much of a boost that gave me. I had been dreading the next three weeks...

I'm still super busy and have way too much to fit in, but my outlook is better. I'm doing ok.

Friday, May 21, 2010


I'd like to make a really awesome blog, but I still just don't have it in me. I've been struggling with apathy lately. I've felt completely disconnected from everything. I'm trying though. See, here is my BYOC... that's a start right?

1. If you had three wishes what would they be and why?
I wish for Heinlein's idea of utopia because the man's writing makes me feel smart. I find myself wondering why it can't be that way.
I wish that whenever someone abuses someone else, they would immediately feel the pain of a heart attack and it would only stop when they turned themselves in.
I wish that my children will know peace and their father.

2. If you had all the money in the world and perfect circumstances - how many children would you have and what sex?
I already have three, one with Autism and one with Aspergers. I don't think I need to be doing any more breeding. Our family feels pretty complete already.

3. Have you ever faked it? (Because I need to laugh...feel free to skip this one if it's too personal.)
Yes. I faked it every time until about 3 days after I was married. But I tell you what, once we got me figured out, I've never done it since. I will NEVER leave my husband!

4. What movie character do you think you look like?
When I was young and thin many people said I looked like Alicia Silverstone. Now that I'm old and fat, I look like a random extra!

5. Repeat question. Which blog or comment spoke to you or stuck with you this week and why?
Drazil's blogs about depression. I totally identified with them so much so that I couldn't bring myself to comment. I've been battling myself since surgery and am trying not to let the apathy I've felt lately cause me to circle the drain into the pipes of depression.

Monday, May 17, 2010

WTH Batman?

Through all my pre-op appointments and support group meetings I was told two weeks liquid diet followed by 2 weeks mushy/pureed foods and to come in for my 1st fill 4 to 6 weeks from surgery.

I went in for my 2 week check in with the bariatric nurse. I was all excited because I was supposed to wait to see her before starting mushies. Today she informs me that I'm supposed to be on mush for 4 weeks and I'm to not have my first fill until 6 weeks from TODAY.

How about all of you? Did you have 2 weeks of mushies or 4 weeks?

Anyone else told 8 weeks before the first fill?

Am I wrong to be irritated that I'm getting a different story AFTER I got the band?

Just to add insult to injury, today was my weigh in day. My scale at home said 245.0 for a total loss of 16lbs. The doctor's scale said 249.7 . That's a pretty damn big difference.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

First Goal Met!

Mondays are my weigh-in day and I would have posted then, but I couldn't seem to shake the waah!s. Incidentally I'm feeling better today. Thank you to the ladies who commented. It did make it easier knowing it is a semi-normal thing.

On the right side of my blog under "On the Grill" you'll find my tickers and my goal list. Please note the awesomeness that is me having marked off my first goal!

I'm currently cooking my way to rareness!

Starting weight: 261 #
First Goal weight: 250 #
weigh in day weight: 248 #

Exceeded goal by: 2 #

I am by no means expecting to meet one of those goals every week. Honestly I'm shocked that I've already lost 13 pounds. My current timeline for each goal is simply a weigh-in day in the hopefully close future.
I figure it is a good system, because by not specifying a date I will never fail. I will always either be working on a goal, meeting a goal or exceeding a goal. That has to be good for the psyche, right?

I wonder how much I'll lose before I actually see a significant change resulting in a smaller clothing size?

Sunday, May 9, 2010

I Think I'm Broken - Day 7

What fresh hell is this?

I have spent all day in tears over everything. EVERY SILLY LITTLE THING.

I do not cry! Well, sometimes of course, over big things, but NEVER over nothing and all day long off and on.

Is this something that is common after surgery? Some weird hormonal fluctuations? Or just a symptom of not being able to dull feelings with overeating?

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Day 6

Wow. I cannot believe it has been 6 days since Bella decided to come along for the ride.

Why Bella you ask? - That's an easy answer. I have the brain of a child. Hahaha. I had an upset tummy one day and Husband offered to go pick up dinner so I didn't have to cook. He brought back a favorite: pulled pork sandwiches. I wanted it SO bad, but really felt like crap and I hate vomiting. I commented in a funny cartoon-like voice that I wanted to eat the damn thing, but MY BELLY says "No!"
He looked at me deadpan and asked, "Who's Bella and why does she have a say in the matter?"

Anyway, so when I started thinking about names for my band I remembered that and then thought how much "my belly" sounds like "Mi Bella" in Italian and that reminded me of Gollum and "my precious" from The Lord of the Rings. Bands are rings... and so we have my Lapband Bella.

Now when I'm presented with the choice of trying out that big fluffy piece of bread and that plate of shrimp I will think to myself, "Mi Bella says no!"

Back to the post op stuff:

Oxycodone liquid, while great for pain is not good for Cheeseburger Girl. I couldn't function without it for the first three days, but with it I was a freaking zombie in twilight sleep. I even tried halfing the smallest recommended dose and I was still operating as a narcoleptic.
Aside from not liking the feeling of the drug, I was in a hurry to wean myself off it so I could drive. My littlest was scheduled for tonsil and adenoid removal surgery on Friday and deserved a not high mother.
Fortunately I was able to make it on Tylenol Thursday and was off all meds on Friday.

Surgery went well. Littlest was a trooper and is sleeping on my side as I type this.

I'm drinking my water, I'm sick of protein shakes, and I want a damn cheeseburger. I am also really sick of burping.

What is with the burping? Please tell me it will go away.

P.S. Check my link to Cheeseburger Girl Eats on my page. I'm using it for reviews and recipes.

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Introducing Bella the LapBand

I'm back at home with my Bella in place!

I got to the hospital at 10:30 and was being wheeled back for surgery by 11:30. I don't remember much of the ride down there. In fact, aside from scootching over onto the table I'm completely blank until recovery.

In recovery, they kept waking me up and telling me to breathe deep. Apparently my sat rate kept dropping into the low 60's. It seemed like it took forever for me to come to. I was a thirsty, sleepy, and nauseated mess of a girl for a good bit. The queasiness was the worst because you really want to expel, but are terrified of jarring the freshly placed band. Normally they'd give phenergan, but I'm allergic... I was kept on nasal oxygen until midnight.

I got wheeled to my room around 2:45. Around 3:15 I was wheel-chaired down to radiology for a barium swallow. Bella was in place, and aside from an air pocket where they stitched her in, everything was perfect. Nothing to worry about, it will dissipate. Oddly, the Barium helped to settle my nausea.

After that I was back in bed dozing in and out until around 6:00 when they brought me a tray of dinner. (Crystal Light, Sugar-free cherry jello, and chicken bullion) The cold stuff was harder to drink, it made me aware of my incisions. The bullion was heaven though.

I only had a couple bouts with the gas pains in my shoulder. They were't really bad and I managed to ease them by tapping my chest and changing position in the bed. Then there was a lot of burping.

As far as the pain goes, I have five incisions, but the one at the top with the port is the only one that is tender. Mostly it feels like I did way too many crunches at the gym. My incisions are all glued shut with dermabond, so I am able to shower.

I'm trying to keep this coherent, but I still find myself nodding off. I haven't had any pain meds since 6:00am so I guess I just need the rest.

I'll update more after a nap.

Ok I was going to update after a nap, but my brilliant self tried to go it without the pain meds today. No Go. Taking big dose of pain meds and going to bed. I'll read over this when I'm more coherent and answer any questions then too.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

I'm Getting Banded in the Morning!

I report for surgery at 10:30AM.

It almost seemed as if there was a conspiracy against me today. First, everywhere around here is flooded. I mean, closed interstates, floating vehicles and floating houses flooded. We're fine here, but between here and MIL's house the roads are toast. MIL is supposed to be coming up to take care of the kids this week while I get banded and recover. So... The 3.5 hour drive from her house to here has so far taken 6 hours, and she's still not here. Apparently the only way to get here is to keep driving north and then head in our direction. I totally owe my inlaws for making the hellish and (no doubt) scary drive.

I'm pretty sure I mentioned a couple of blogs back about feeling like a burden. Yeah. Here I am, BIG FAT BURDEN. Yes, please drive through torrential rains and rising flood waters so I can have a governor installed on my intake. Here is a pre-op pic:

This is me. Big ole ass.

On the upside, she is just outside of town now and should be here shortly.

Back to the conspiracy...
So these kids, supposedly I have to keep feeding them even when I'm not allowed to eat. Clearly I can't cook for them because I absent-mindedly eat all the time. So I figured I'd run to Subway and score the little ones some pizzas and a sandwich for the oldest. GAH! I wish they made a liver and onions take out place and that the kids liked liver and onions so I would have been gagging rather than drooling.

I'm off to get the kids into bed and then put myself there too. I don't think I can hang staying awake much longer. Night time is usually eating time for me.

So to summarize: Flooding, washed out roads, Dorothy and Toto, That bastard Jared at Subway, Food Pron!, kids!!!

Cross your toes for me! I'll catch you all on the flipside.

P.S. Is licking the glass at Subway considered part of the clear liquid diet?

Friday, April 30, 2010

3 Sleeps Until Banding & BYOC

I'm a vaguely crazed mess. I'm fighting hard not to go on a "last meal" food bender. I feel a bit like an alcoholic who knows she'd better tie on a good one because detox and rehab starts Sunday.

In other news, I have a migraine and a sunburn.

1. What is your favorite smell?
My husband. But that might just be because he's deployed. Ordinarily I'd say baked goods.

2. What is your all time favorite movie and why?
The ones of my husband reading books to the kids. DUH, I miss him.
As far as real movies go, I don't have a favorite. I have a horrible memory when it comes to all the the entertainment genres. I like things in the moment.

3. What's your trigger food?
LOL, that should be pretty obvious in my case. Cheeseburgers! They're cheap and everywhere.
And brownies-ala-mode...

4. When someone you love is going through a difficult time – what are your go-to words to make them feel better – in just a sentence or two?
Tell me what you need and I will do everything I can. I would take this pain for you if I could.

5. This one is always the same. Who is your nominee for the blog of the week for YOU? Which blog OR comment touched your heart, spoke to you, stuck with you all week?
I have been swamped this week and haven't had much time to read. I promise I'll do my best to get caught up.

Friday, April 23, 2010

My 1st BYOC

1. Name a career you would NOT want to do and tell why.

Hmm... This one is hard because I'm a Gemini (if you buy into astrology) and essentially have multiple personalities... I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I've been interested in tons of things and all of them are as random as the next. WAIT! I know! I wouldn't ever, ever want to be one of the guys that work on building highways and roads. That has to be the hottest, sweatiest, smelliest job. I totally see the need for it and thank them for the backbreaking, miserable work they do, but there is no way I'd ever be able to hang with them.

2. What is the best present you've ever received for your birthday?

Eight years ago, one of my oldest friends was in an automobile accident and was paralyzed from the shoulders down. He was in ICU for a very long time and then spent months in a rehab facility. That year, he got to come home from the physical rehab facility on my birthday. He passed away five years ago (September) from a brain aneurysm. At the time, we were so hopeful and I thought it was a sign of good things to come that he got to move back home on my birthday. I will always remember that birthday and the hope we had.

3. What do you hide behind?
My FAT - Did you know that you are practically invisible when you're fat? No one looks at you with anything other than disdain or pity. If something doesn't work out it's not because you weren't good enough, it's because you were too fat to try or someone was biased because you are fat. Nothing like a fattie basher to justify feelings on inadequacy. I can't go do fun stuff because I'm too uncomfortable. I can't become part of the "in crowd" because that requires socializing and I can't let anyone see the fat girl eat. Like they don't know I sit at home and devour a whole 13x9 pan of brownies with a quart of Bryer's Vanilla Bean Ice Cream. Please. Everyone know's the fat girl eats. I just can't bring myself to do it in public.

My KIDS - Let's face it, my schedule is booked. Up through the end of this summer... After that all my children will be full time school age and I will have my days (mostly) free. Granted my middle child will still have Autism Therapy twice a week so finding a job will be difficult at best, but that is beside the point. I am terrified that I will turn out to be a horrible house keeper and I still won't take care of myself. Having the time and freedom to do things freaks me right out, because I'm afraid of failing. I am great at shuttling kids, balancing complex schedules, and running myself through the wringer to fit it all in. What if I just fail at life in general when what I do is left completely up to me?

4. Where were you born?

South-west Tennessee

5. Which BLOG/comment affected you greatly this week?

BLOGS: Sparkler's blog about diet fatigue really hit home for me. As my banding day approaches I find my self worrying that this might not work or I'll be slow to drop weight. She really put it in perspective and reminded me that any loss no matter how slow is better than a gain and this is about keeping it off not crashing it off.
COMMENT: amandakiska's comment on my burden blog. I don't know why it didn't occur to me that other people do things because it makes them feel good. I mean, I knew that, but I wasn't applying it to things others do for me.

Welcomes and Thanks

So there I was at the end of a yuck-tastic day... I sat down to check in on my blog and what do I find? I have gone from 11 to 34 readers. WOW!!!

The most awesome and remarkable Drazil pimped me to her mass of readers. As a thank you I've created the:

Because let's face it... Pimpin' ain't easy. And what is a pimp with out her hat and pimp stick?

If you have someone who you think deserves this award, by all means, feel free to pass it along.

To all my new blog friends:
I will go through and follow all of you who's links I can find tomorrow. If your profile doesn't list a link to your blog will you post a link in the comments or email me at cheeseburgergirl AT ymail DOT com?

Thank you to those of you who commented on my last blog. I spend my days chauffeuring kids and rarely get to talk to adults. It's pretty lonely in my world while Husband is gone. Coming here and finding all your sweet and encouraging comments really made a crud-a-rific day a happy tears day.

G'night everybody,

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Countdowns and Being a Burden

anding minus eleven days and counting...
I have 11 days until my surgery. In the last week I've gone in for my final pre-surgical consult and my pre-admission. I officially have a room reserved for me on the day of surgery. The only thing I have left to do is another trip to the lab for last minute stuff. Other than that I just have to remember to call on the Friday before and find out what time to show up.

They did my official weigh-in. According to their scale, my starting weight is 261. There seems to be between a one and three lb difference between their scale and mine. I'll keep my ticker and counts linked to my scale.

I don't have much of a pre-op diet. My surgeon said that he isn't worried about it because my BMI isn't in the range of super obese and while the other surgeon is a stickler for the diet, he only said not to go out for a "last meal". When I went for pre-admission they told me clear liquids from noon to midnight and nothing after. I can live with that.

My mother-in-law is coming up for the week of surgery. I'm hoping I'll be up and about in less than a week and can send her on back home. I feel bad that she's going to have to use a whole week of vacation time to wrangle the kids while I do this.

I guess that is one of the things I need to work on other than the size of me. I do anything for anyone and will help everyone until I've run out of help to offer, but when it comes to asking for any kind of assistance for myself I don't like to do it and feel guilty when I get it. How do you convince yourself that you are not a burden on others when you spent your formative years being told your existence was just that.

Monday, April 12, 2010

I've Got a Date With a Surgeon!

I got a call just as I was sitting down to dinner tonight. We try to eat before five o'clock here. I didn't recognize the number on the caller ID so I almost didn't answer it. It occurred to me it could be Husband calling from overseas so I took my chances and answered. I am so glad I did.
It was the Bariatric RN. She asked me if I was ready to schedule my surgery. I told her I was ready yesterday!

May 3rd

20 days until banding!

Between now and then I'll have another appointment with my surgeon and a pre-admissions appointment.

And here I was thinking that with my luck it would be the end of July...
Husband is usually the one with all the luck. We joke that he could stick his hand into a pile of poop and pull out diamonds and wet wipes! Here's hoping I've found some luck of my own and am not borrowing any of his. He needs it more than I do right now.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

I'm In... Waiting for the Phone to Ring

I went in for my consultation with my Bariatric RN. I don't know what I was expecting of this appointment, but it was fast and painless. Basically she took the forms I brought in and made sure all my specialty appointments were kept and recorded. Then she emailed the surgeon and told me to have a nice day.
The next phone call I will get will be from her with options for surgery dates. I of course was hoping for less than a month away, but she said all of April was already booked up. It looks like I'll be on the slate sometime between the end of May and the end of July.

I've been alternating between meticulously following the post-banding rules and stuffing myself silly with whatever I can get my hands on. I really need to get it together because the last thing I want to do is gain before I go back.

When decided to write this blog, I had the idea in my head that I would be able to keep it just about surgery, recovery, and weight-loss. I intended to not talk too much about my family or get caught up in other aspects of my personal life. Clearly I did not think this through.

I realized (while I was feeling sick after eating three portions of dinner and washing it down with too much dessert) that I wasn't even hungry.
I'm miserably lonely. My bio says that I'm married to a soldier. What it doesn't say is that he's recently deployed to a combat zone. It also doesn't say that he is my best friend. You see, I don't have any in-person girlfriends. All of my former "besties" are scattered across the country. I say former because aside from the occasional facebook message, we don't talk. I spend my days shuttling my kids to and from two different schools with three different start and end times and taking one of my children to therapy for Autism. Its hard to make friends in the car or in waiting rooms.

Hi! My name is Cheeseburger Girl and I have an unhealthy relationship with food. It is my replacement best friend, sex substitute, anxiety/anger management tool, and my worst enemy. Food is my abusive extra-marital affair.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

My First Blog Award

A big Thank You to Drazil @ It's Just me, Drazil, and Sheniqua for my first ever Blog Award!

I'm passing it on to my very first commenters:

Thank all of you for being the first people to join me and offer words of wisdom!

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Rules (according to my RN)

The Bariatric Nurse at my surgical clinic is very blunt and to the point. I think it's safe to say that by now the info she's given out has been drilled into my head.

But for reference sake, after surgery:

  • 24 hours clear liquids only
  • 2 weeks full liquid diet
  • 2 weeks of mushy/puree foods
  • slowly introduce regular foods
  • 1 multi-vitamin daily on empty stomach (still trying to find a non-pill I can tolerate)
  • 1 Calcium Citrate + D daily on empty stomach (still looking for this in non-pill form too)
  • plenty of water but stop drinking from 30 mins before a meal to 30 mins after
  • must consume a minimum of 80 grams of protein daily
  • must not exceed 5 grams of sugar in 20 minutes
  • consume foods in the following order: protein, vegetable, carb/starch
  • No carbonated beverages, no drinking with a straw, no alcohol, and don't get knocked up
  • Do not put anything in your mouth that is larger than a pencil eraser.
  • Eat carefully, things like whole nuts and gummy candies can create a blockage if accidentally swallowed whole.
After a fill: (to help reduce potential swelling)
  • 2 days full liquids
  • ease into regular diet

Out of all that, the points that I think I'll have the most trouble with are the no drinking straw thing and figuring how to stuff 80 grams of protein in. I guess I should put more effort into protein shake and bar shopping. Wouldn't it be great if the nutrition stores had little samples to try. You know, individually wrapped like the fun size candy bars. Of course, it might reduce overall sales. Cause it sucks forking out a pile of cash for something that tastes like fish and garden rocks. Of course you don't know that until you get home. Oh, and what's with the GIANT tubs of the protein powder mixes? I guess they're great if you love the stuff, but what I want is an individual sized packet to buy so I can find something I like.

I wonder if anyone else has noticed their breath smelling like a formula fed baby after taking in a protein powder drink. Today I mixed an unflavored protein powder into a SoBee Fuji Apple and Pear Lifewater. It wasn't bad tasting at first. I couldn't get through the whole bottle in one go. When I came back to it about an hour later, it had this aftertaste that was reminicent of infant formula. My breath smelled like that too until I could get home and take care of it. YUCK.

Monday, March 22, 2010

Where I Am (in the process) #2

Today I went for my Psychological Evaluation. It went well and the Psychologist said there was no reason to disqualify me at this time. I guess they want to make sure you understand what is going to happen in addition to ensuring you don't have any eating disorders or are suffering from untreated issues. They also want to make sure you understand the level of compliance needed to make the surgery successful.

I have my follow up appointment to turn in my paperwork with the Surgical Clinic the first full week of April. Hopefully everything will be good and I will get a surgery date soon. For now, I just have to keep practicing taking my vitamins, drinking water, and ensuring that I don't gain any more weight. Giving up drinking straws is a hard thing for me to do, but I'm working on it.

Hopefully the next time I post I'll have a date!

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Where I Am (in the process)

At the beginning of February I went for an informational seminar on Gastric Weight Loss Surgery. They covered all the options available at our surgical clinic. I decided on the Lap Band. I know I need help to lose this weight. I know that this is the right choice for me at this point in my life. I feel confident that this will be the catalyst for positive change for me. Going to this meeting got me on the list and I was called within a couple of days and told to go have my blood-work and labs done.

Toward the end of February I went to a Lap Band Support Group Meeting. It was great to have people who have been there along with people who are in the planning stages. It was a great opportunity to have all sorts of questions answered and not just rely on the surgeons information.

Three days later I went in for my first surgical consult. Everything looks like it's good to go. All I need to do is fill out a ton of paperwork, have an Upper GI Barium Swallow, attend a four hour training class, and have a Psychological Evaluation done.

I was fortunate enough to get a class date during the first week of March. It was very informative and was basically them giving out all the worst case info so that you would be really prepared if you chose to continue the journey. I'm sticking with it.

Yesterday was my Upper GI at the Radiology Clinic. For those who have never been, well, I can't say it was fun, but it was over quick. The process took about 5 minutes. First you get topless and into a gown. Then you have to try and swallow this fizzing powder dry. You get one tiny shot of water to get it down with and then you are not allowed to burp. This is supposed to expand your esophagus. Next you get on the platform and take a big swallow of the thickest Barium solution whenever the Radiologist says swallow. About three big gulps. Next you lean back on the table while they lay the machine back. Then you roll over on your stomach partly and suck a thinner version of the Barium out of a straw. Inevitably, you get that white chalky stuff all over your face. There is no way to look cool while having this done.

I guess I forgot to mention you can't have food or water after midnight the previous night, so by the time you get in there you're ready to drink just about anything. Haha. Jokes on you, that stuff tastes horrible and is not thirst quenching. I wasn't too bad really. Mostly I'm glad it's done and all I have left is the Psych Eval.

By the way, the Barium is really thick and white. It goes in that way, and it comes out the same. So, don't be surprised and be sure to drink a ton of water afterward.

Monday, March 1, 2010

Who I Am

I am a 30-something mother of three. I've been happily married for almost a decade to a soldier. We lead a rather nomadic lifestyle. We've lived overseas and in random places from the east coast of the US to Colorado. Every place we were became home. I'm no social butterfly, I'm shy and one of those people who say YES too much. I volunteer for lots of things and take care of everyone. (but myself apparently)

I tend to be an everything or nothing type of person. I can gain or lose 20 pounds like most people lose or gain 2. I wasn't always a fat girl. I think it started happening for me when I was in my late teens. Hormones were going crazy and so was my mother. Of course, you can't fight mother or stand up for yourself, so you have to find another outlet. Some people play sports, some people run, some people turn to drugs or alcohol, others like me, eat and eat and eat and eat. I ate when I was angry, hurt, sad, bored, lonely, or any other negative emotion.

Strike that.

I am a fat girl because of the choices I made. The inspiration for those choices doesn't really matter. The reality of it is that even once I realized what I was doing to myself, I didn't choose to stop it for years. And even though I'm on my way to get this surgery done, I still make at least one bad choice a day.
My hope is that this surgery will help me by not allowing me to do myself in with that one bad choice. I think this will work for me because it's not so much what I eat as it is how much and when I eat it. You think that would be easy to change without getting a lap band, but I haven't been successful in doing so.
I guess what it boils down to is that I can't do it on my own yet. I need this weight to be gone, at least some of it. It's getting hard for me to do the things I need to do in a given day. Yes, I suppose I could try once again to do it without any help, but I once read that the definition of crazy was doing something repeatedly and expecting different results. I think the world has enough crazy in it without any addition from me.

This is me now/before:


55" chest 51" waist
56" hips 17" bicep
30" thigh 16.5" neck

I currently wear a 26/28 or 4x in clothing.

Well, here I go. You are welcome to join me on my journey. Someday I may get brave and announce who I am. Until then, you can call me L or Cheeseburger Girl.