Monday, March 1, 2010

Who I Am

I am a 30-something mother of three. I've been happily married for almost a decade to a soldier. We lead a rather nomadic lifestyle. We've lived overseas and in random places from the east coast of the US to Colorado. Every place we were became home. I'm no social butterfly, I'm shy and one of those people who say YES too much. I volunteer for lots of things and take care of everyone. (but myself apparently)

I tend to be an everything or nothing type of person. I can gain or lose 20 pounds like most people lose or gain 2. I wasn't always a fat girl. I think it started happening for me when I was in my late teens. Hormones were going crazy and so was my mother. Of course, you can't fight mother or stand up for yourself, so you have to find another outlet. Some people play sports, some people run, some people turn to drugs or alcohol, others like me, eat and eat and eat and eat. I ate when I was angry, hurt, sad, bored, lonely, or any other negative emotion.

Strike that.

I am a fat girl because of the choices I made. The inspiration for those choices doesn't really matter. The reality of it is that even once I realized what I was doing to myself, I didn't choose to stop it for years. And even though I'm on my way to get this surgery done, I still make at least one bad choice a day.
My hope is that this surgery will help me by not allowing me to do myself in with that one bad choice. I think this will work for me because it's not so much what I eat as it is how much and when I eat it. You think that would be easy to change without getting a lap band, but I haven't been successful in doing so.
I guess what it boils down to is that I can't do it on my own yet. I need this weight to be gone, at least some of it. It's getting hard for me to do the things I need to do in a given day. Yes, I suppose I could try once again to do it without any help, but I once read that the definition of crazy was doing something repeatedly and expecting different results. I think the world has enough crazy in it without any addition from me.

This is me now/before:


55" chest 51" waist
56" hips 17" bicep
30" thigh 16.5" neck

I currently wear a 26/28 or 4x in clothing.

Well, here I go. You are welcome to join me on my journey. Someday I may get brave and announce who I am. Until then, you can call me L or Cheeseburger Girl.